18 January 2011

30 Day Challenge- 05

Day 05 - A time you thought about ending your own life.

I think everyone has thought about suicide at some point, but most people never seriously. I'm very thankful to count myself among those who can't imagine ending their own lives.

I can't imagine putting my friends and family through that kind of pain, loss, and confusion.

I also can't imagine giving in to the idea that things are beyond repair. Life always, ALWAYS has the capacity to get better. And when it does, the thoughts of depression and sadness will seem so absurd, so strange, so out-of-place in such a beautiful world.

There was only a brief time when I was 13 years old when I felt really, really down in the dumps. It was before the whole emo thing swept the nation, but that's probably what I would have called myself at that age. In retrospect it seems outrageously silly and I can pretty much just call it pre-teen angst and forget about it, but at the time I felt like a lot of things were going wrong. Of course, after a few months I got over myself and figured out that the things I was worrying about were temporary and unimportant.

My point is, when you're stuck in that depressed mind-set, it can be hard to see how things will ever get better. Now, my behavior back then seems ridiculous, but at the time I took the negative emotions I was feeling quite seriously. I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you know or are someone who is depressed, I know how heavy life can feel and how agonizing some emotions can be. Just remember that life will always prove itself to be wonderful and giving, even if it doesn't seem that way at the present.

Nowadays whenever I'm feeling depressed or overwhelmed, I just remind myself that things will always get better. It's also helpful to have things to look forward to, like visiting my friends and family, holidays, and vacations. I'd like to spend the majority of my life being happy, so I do what I need to do to make that happen- hence my new years resolution to only do things that will lead me to happiness!

Love and happy thoughts,

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