20. Make and record music with the people I love.
Some of my favorite memories of 2011 are of sitting in the "band room" or later, Kris' room at the house on Rosser where all my friends lived playing music together. A lot of the time it was less "playing music" and more everyone simultaneously singing/messing around on different instruments making up obscure harmonies while Linn made up hilarious lyrics. Sometimes there was a whole bunch of us, sometimes just a couple. Often we had had a bit to drink before hand which made it all the more ridiculous. Wonderwall was definitely played about 5 million times. There's video evidence of all of this on facebook and watching it again while writing this post made my heart feel like it was going to burst.
After Linn died there was less music, as he seemed to be the center around which the rest of us formed our parts. One day though, my best friend Kris and I decided to try singing some songs together while he played guitar. That turned into us attempting to record one of my favorite songs from one of my favorite movies ("got my list" from Dakota Skye) pretty much every night for quite a while until we finally managed to get through a recording without messing up, forgetting lyrics, laughing, getting distracted... yeah we sang that song a LOT. I think it was a way for both of us to express ourselves creatively in a time that we were both feeling pretty numb and uninspired, and I really cherish those hours (and hours and hours) spent singing and laughing in the middle of the night, probably annoying the hell out of our other roommates.
Here's what we ended up with:
My favorite part is probably at the end where we finish the song, there's a few seconds of silence, and then Kris strums the guitar and I say "ahhh we did it!" and Kris says "We kinda sorta did it." It seriously took us forever to get through a recording.
I'm so happy for the videos on facebook of Linn singing nonsense into a fake microphone or making up rhythms on the drums while Kris plays the keyboard and the rest of us attempt harmonies or pick up other instruments.His essence is so incredibly alive and present in those videos, I can feel it when I watch them and it makes me want to cry and laugh and shout.
And I'm so, so, so happy for the time that Kris and I spent attempting and occasionally succeeding to make music together. It's like a wonderful, shiny happy memory that floats above an otherwise wholly dark and bleak time in my life and I am so unbelievably thankful for that. Love you Kris, thanks for letting me post this on here ;)
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Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
19 April 2013
08 February 2012
I'm back, and there's change a-comin.
Hello lovelies, it's been awhile.
This happened:
This happened:
and a lot of this happened:
I can't really describe the past 3 months because they've really just been an absurd, emotionally strenuous (but also at times wonderful) blur. Linn- my boyfriend and best friend- passed away and that really shook the reality that our friends (his roommates) and I had come to know. There was a lot of crying, and a lot of talking, but even more silence and numbness which made things complicated and difficult in some ways.
Regardless, the experience brought us all closer together than we have ever been before. As best we could we put the horror in our minds aside and tried to connect with one another- sharing family dinners, having dance parties in the living room, drinking (probably too much) together, and on more than one occasion having snowball fights at 2AM in completely snow-inappropriate attire. I learned a lot about myself and about my friends, and although most of the time I felt (and knew) I was skidding along rock bottom, they kept my from hitting the ground.
As for school, I didn't go back. Not for the rest of the semester anyways. I attended one class on the last day to turn in all my assignments from the entire semester. Luckily, none of my professors hassled me at all. I turned in half a semester's worth of work in one week and pulled off a 3.0 average for the semester. Not too much worse than what I would've gotten anyways (I'd like to hope).
I'm back now though. It's a new semester, and new year, and I just can't justify continuing at the pace I've been going at any longer. When Linn passed, I let all my responsibilities and good judgements slip away and put myself first. I let myself take the much needed time to process and grieve, and I stopped thinking about things like doing homework, eating right, working out, and generally just taking care of any part of myself aside from my emotions. And now, while emotionally I feel much better and I feel I've learned how to cope with and manage my everlasting sadness at losing Linn, I feel like shit physically and mentally. So for the next few months at least, you all get to watch me pick up the pieces and put myself back together into the person I want to be, the person I used to be. This girl:
The girl who eats lunches like this:
and throws brunches where she makes shit like this:
and takes pretty pictures of flowers like this:
and takes silly webcam photos like this:
Not the girl whose DSLR has been sitting in the back seat of the car I haven't cleaned out since summer for god knows how long.
I'm going back to an all vegan diet, but here's the thing: I love being healthy and good to my body, but I also love to cook! And it's hard to develop your cooking skills if you limit yourself too much. Also, there are a gazillion recipes I want to try which contain meat, dairy, or eggs in the original and yeah, I could sub, but I'll always wonder what the dish was meant to taste like. So I'm allowing myself a max of one cheat day a week where I can cook something new (or an old non-veg favorite) and not feel bad about it.
I'll also be attempting to get back into working out, but I'm going to have to get more adjusted with school before I really set up a regimen. I'm just going to go back to my tried and true one that I love, but I have to figure out scheduling.
The most fun thing I'll be doing over the next few months, though, is whipping out those 20 things I want to do in my 20s. A couple I've done and just haven't posted about yet, but a lot of them are going to take some serious time and effort, and I'm running out of the former! My 21st birthday is on May 10th, and I'd really like to give this project my all. You might want to check back on the page in a couple days, because I'm making some minor tweaks to the list. For example, #10- invent a cocktail, name it the soss. Really an endeavor that makes more sense to do in my 21st year, don't you think? So instead I'm going to make a sauce. A really freaking good sauce that would bring magic to whatever you dump it on. And name it "M Soss" (my full nickname). A couple other things need tweaking too, but we'll cross those bridges as we come to them :)
Anyways, at least for a little while I'm not going to be doing my regular features such as movie mondays, tasty tuesdays, lovely little things, etc. Since I'm just stepping back into the blogging world after going on a verrry long hiatus, I don't want to make any promises I can't keep. As I get back into my blogging habit, I'll begin reincorporating them in with my regular posts.
But I think I'll have plenty to post about anyways.
So, welcome back to GO1000F! Thanks for still being here :)
<3
Em
This happened:
![]() |
| This is less than 24 hours after it was done. it's not like that anymore. If you can't tell, it's on my right chest. |
and a lot of this happened:
I can't really describe the past 3 months because they've really just been an absurd, emotionally strenuous (but also at times wonderful) blur. Linn- my boyfriend and best friend- passed away and that really shook the reality that our friends (his roommates) and I had come to know. There was a lot of crying, and a lot of talking, but even more silence and numbness which made things complicated and difficult in some ways.
Regardless, the experience brought us all closer together than we have ever been before. As best we could we put the horror in our minds aside and tried to connect with one another- sharing family dinners, having dance parties in the living room, drinking (probably too much) together, and on more than one occasion having snowball fights at 2AM in completely snow-inappropriate attire. I learned a lot about myself and about my friends, and although most of the time I felt (and knew) I was skidding along rock bottom, they kept my from hitting the ground.
As for school, I didn't go back. Not for the rest of the semester anyways. I attended one class on the last day to turn in all my assignments from the entire semester. Luckily, none of my professors hassled me at all. I turned in half a semester's worth of work in one week and pulled off a 3.0 average for the semester. Not too much worse than what I would've gotten anyways (I'd like to hope).
I'm back now though. It's a new semester, and new year, and I just can't justify continuing at the pace I've been going at any longer. When Linn passed, I let all my responsibilities and good judgements slip away and put myself first. I let myself take the much needed time to process and grieve, and I stopped thinking about things like doing homework, eating right, working out, and generally just taking care of any part of myself aside from my emotions. And now, while emotionally I feel much better and I feel I've learned how to cope with and manage my everlasting sadness at losing Linn, I feel like shit physically and mentally. So for the next few months at least, you all get to watch me pick up the pieces and put myself back together into the person I want to be, the person I used to be. This girl:
The girl who eats lunches like this:
and throws brunches where she makes shit like this:
and takes pretty pictures of flowers like this:
and takes silly webcam photos like this:
Not the girl whose DSLR has been sitting in the back seat of the car I haven't cleaned out since summer for god knows how long.
I'm going back to an all vegan diet, but here's the thing: I love being healthy and good to my body, but I also love to cook! And it's hard to develop your cooking skills if you limit yourself too much. Also, there are a gazillion recipes I want to try which contain meat, dairy, or eggs in the original and yeah, I could sub, but I'll always wonder what the dish was meant to taste like. So I'm allowing myself a max of one cheat day a week where I can cook something new (or an old non-veg favorite) and not feel bad about it.
I'll also be attempting to get back into working out, but I'm going to have to get more adjusted with school before I really set up a regimen. I'm just going to go back to my tried and true one that I love, but I have to figure out scheduling.
The most fun thing I'll be doing over the next few months, though, is whipping out those 20 things I want to do in my 20s. A couple I've done and just haven't posted about yet, but a lot of them are going to take some serious time and effort, and I'm running out of the former! My 21st birthday is on May 10th, and I'd really like to give this project my all. You might want to check back on the page in a couple days, because I'm making some minor tweaks to the list. For example, #10- invent a cocktail, name it the soss. Really an endeavor that makes more sense to do in my 21st year, don't you think? So instead I'm going to make a sauce. A really freaking good sauce that would bring magic to whatever you dump it on. And name it "M Soss" (my full nickname). A couple other things need tweaking too, but we'll cross those bridges as we come to them :)
Anyways, at least for a little while I'm not going to be doing my regular features such as movie mondays, tasty tuesdays, lovely little things, etc. Since I'm just stepping back into the blogging world after going on a verrry long hiatus, I don't want to make any promises I can't keep. As I get back into my blogging habit, I'll begin reincorporating them in with my regular posts.
But I think I'll have plenty to post about anyways.
So, welcome back to GO1000F! Thanks for still being here :)
<3
Em
23 July 2011
20 in my 20th: #3 Drink Ouzo in Greece
Hooray for accomplishing the first of 20 things I wanted to do before next May 10th! Unfortunately I did not get a picture of this event- you see, I drank ouzo a couple times but I was waiting for the perfect moment to really "count" it- and when that moment came my phone was dead and I didn't have my DSLR! the unjustness of it all... anyways, I can describe what I considered the best ouzo drinking occasion in Greece to be.
For those of you who don't know, Ouzo is a clear Greek Liquor with a 40% alcohol content, like most other hard alcohols. It's made from anise seed and so it has a distinct black licorice-y flavor, similar to that of Jagermeister and Absinthe. I'm not a huge fan of black licorice-y alcohols... or candies... or anything, really, but I figured hell, I'm in Greece and I might as well do as the Greeks do ;)
You can shoot ouzo like you would any other hard alcohol, which is what we did before we went clubbing in Mykonos (THAT's a whole other story altogether...), but the more proper way to consume it is in a tumbler poured over ice cubes, which slowly melt and chill/dilute the ouzo.
Anyways, It was July 2nd, if I remember correctly- we were in Santorini, an absolutely gorgeous crescent shaped island with lots of beaches named for the colors of their sand. We spent the first half of the day at the archeological site of Ancient Thera, which was interesting, although by this, the 27th day of our trip, we were all kind of site-ed out.
Anyways, we then wandered our way down the mountain to the black beach, where we bought 2 euro gyros and half liters of amstel or mythos and strolled down the boardwalk in search of a good place to lay out and enjoy the beach.
I was with two of the boys I spent the most time with on this trip, Trevor and Kellner. We wound up finding a spot under the shade of a tree, where the black sand was warm but not scalding like it was in the sun. We laid out our towels and spent a while reading our various books for a while before Trevor eventually decided he wanted to get some ouzo. He and Kellner went off in search for a bottle, cups, and ice while I watched their stuff. It wasn't terribly classy, laying on the beach drinking ouzo from flimsy plastic cups which got sand all over them from the condensation, but it was wonderfully fun and relaxing sitting there with the boys, laughing and chatting and joking and people watching and getting just a little tipsy. It was great :)
I'm on the verge of completing a few other things from my 20 in my 20th list, like writing a song and getting a puppy- so look for a few more of these posts coming up in the next few weeks!
For those of you who don't know, Ouzo is a clear Greek Liquor with a 40% alcohol content, like most other hard alcohols. It's made from anise seed and so it has a distinct black licorice-y flavor, similar to that of Jagermeister and Absinthe. I'm not a huge fan of black licorice-y alcohols... or candies... or anything, really, but I figured hell, I'm in Greece and I might as well do as the Greeks do ;)
You can shoot ouzo like you would any other hard alcohol, which is what we did before we went clubbing in Mykonos (THAT's a whole other story altogether...), but the more proper way to consume it is in a tumbler poured over ice cubes, which slowly melt and chill/dilute the ouzo.
Anyways, It was July 2nd, if I remember correctly- we were in Santorini, an absolutely gorgeous crescent shaped island with lots of beaches named for the colors of their sand. We spent the first half of the day at the archeological site of Ancient Thera, which was interesting, although by this, the 27th day of our trip, we were all kind of site-ed out.
Anyways, we then wandered our way down the mountain to the black beach, where we bought 2 euro gyros and half liters of amstel or mythos and strolled down the boardwalk in search of a good place to lay out and enjoy the beach.
I was with two of the boys I spent the most time with on this trip, Trevor and Kellner. We wound up finding a spot under the shade of a tree, where the black sand was warm but not scalding like it was in the sun. We laid out our towels and spent a while reading our various books for a while before Trevor eventually decided he wanted to get some ouzo. He and Kellner went off in search for a bottle, cups, and ice while I watched their stuff. It wasn't terribly classy, laying on the beach drinking ouzo from flimsy plastic cups which got sand all over them from the condensation, but it was wonderfully fun and relaxing sitting there with the boys, laughing and chatting and joking and people watching and getting just a little tipsy. It was great :)
I'm on the verge of completing a few other things from my 20 in my 20th list, like writing a song and getting a puppy- so look for a few more of these posts coming up in the next few weeks!
Tags:
20 in my 20th,
alcohol,
friends,
Greece,
Life,
lists,
summer,
Things To Do
11 April 2011
A Vacation to Winter
In Tucson it's been 80-90 degrees out recently- which I love- although it made me excited to trip up to Prescott for a bit colder weather. Little did we know that colder weather meant several inches of snow! I couldn't have been happier about it, since I haven't gotten to experience snow in about 2 years since it didn't snow in Portland last year and I always just miss it whenever I come to Prescott. So waking up to a fresh blanket of sparkling white on Saturday morning was just what I wanted (although everyone else in Prescott was quite disgruntled with it). It was like taking a vacation to a winter wonderland- a great break to the summer like weather we've been having. Unfortunately I didn't pack for it though- only one pair of jeans, a thin cardigan, and no jacket... good thing I've got a mountain of clothing at my parents' house!
We began our trip at midnight Thursday night, because Stewie was busy doing things until then. We were planning on driving up to Phoenix that night to hang out with Stew's brother, brian, and didn't end up getting there until 2:30 in the morning! Luckily we had warned Brian of our late arrival so he was up when we got there and we ended up staying awake until 7am! It was absurd but so much fun. We slept in until about 2pm and then went to lunch at the pita jungle, which I had been wanting to try for a long time.
red lipstick marks all over my cup!
After than we drove out to target because I've had a 50$ gift card burning a hole in my wallet for almost a year! I wanted to find boots, but they didn't have a single pair... so I opted for a really cute 20$ romper instead. I also tried on this dress, and I loved it but opted not to buy it.
We began our trip at midnight Thursday night, because Stewie was busy doing things until then. We were planning on driving up to Phoenix that night to hang out with Stew's brother, brian, and didn't end up getting there until 2:30 in the morning! Luckily we had warned Brian of our late arrival so he was up when we got there and we ended up staying awake until 7am! It was absurd but so much fun. We slept in until about 2pm and then went to lunch at the pita jungle, which I had been wanting to try for a long time.
Excuse the mix of Nikon D40 pics and android pics. I went back and forth the whole trip. Don't Stewart and his brother look so similar though?
Anyways, we drove up to prescott that afternoon and experienced quite a weather change. It was so rainy and cloudy and dark- just the way I like it :)
We hung out with my parents for most of the night, and then moved stewarts car to his mom's so that it wouldn't get stuck in the snow that was predicted for that night. In the morning I was so happy to see 5 or six inches of it coating everything outside my window! Unfortunately snow never lasts long in prescott... by noon much of it had melted. It continued to snow on and off throughout the rest of the day, but no more than another inch stuck around.
On Saturday we started out the day with chatting with my mom for a bit, and then I decided to make eggs benedict for breakfast. I don't generally like eggs- or breakfast for that matter- but eggs benedict is one dish that I can't turn down. Blame it on the hollandaise sauce- who can refuse something so lemony, buttery, and sinfully delicious? Emphasis on sinfully. It's gotta be like 500 calories a serving! Anyways, instead of using the ham which is typical I sliced up a tomato and sauteed the thick slices in olive oil and herbs. yummy yummy. I I poached the eggs which is always interesting and made the sauce from scratch- it's less of an undertaking than most people assume so if you dig hollandaise like I do I urge you to make it! We didn't have any english muffins (or bread for that matter) so I used a couple of hamburger buns we had lying around. Ridiculous, i know! but I toasted them and you couldn't tell the difference :)
Then we went to share a pot of coconut tea at the wild iris (soo yummy) and had fun just sitting and sipping and chatting.
red lipstick marks all over my cup!
After that we tried to go to the local college, where my dad's painting had made it into the gallery. unfortunately it was closed... so we'll just have to check it out next time when it's in my house somewhere. I did manage to snap a few pics of a gorgeous cherry blossom tree with a bit of snow on it that was on the campus... so pretty.
After than we drove out to target because I've had a 50$ gift card burning a hole in my wallet for almost a year! I wanted to find boots, but they didn't have a single pair... so I opted for a really cute 20$ romper instead. I also tried on this dress, and I loved it but opted not to buy it.
After that I dropped stewie off at his moms so he could get his car and head to the party. I headed home and watched some tv with my dad, and then we made a fire in the fireplace and the three of us (my parents and myself) hung out and chatted for a while. Eventually we decided to get takeout (spinach enchiladas, nachos, and tortilla soup from casa alvarez- so yummy!) and ate in front of the fire in the living room. We then watched an episode of Harry's Law- a show my parents have been watching lately. After that I had stewart come pick me up and take me to the party, where I chatted with zillions of people and had a lot of fun. It was also incredibly sad, but a good way to send off a dear friend.
On sunday I napped for a bit in the morning after staying up the whole night, and then watched Stranger than Fiction with my mom. I had never seen it in it's entirety, so it was fun to finally watch the whole thing through! Around 2 o clock stew and I decided to head back to tucson... I slept for a lot of the way which was SUCH a nice alternative to being the one who has to drive the whole 4 hour way. We picked up some chipotle for dinner, watched a few episodes of buffy and angel, and went to sleep. All in all, it was a very busy, very exhausting, but very fun weekend. I'm looking forward to next weekend being nice and quiet with plenty of time to clean up the apartment and start packing my stuff up to head back up north.
Movie monday coming up tonight!
Farewell and Hello
As I mentioned in an earlier post, Stew and I spent the weekend in Prescott. I'll go over the whole trip in more detail later along with a whole bunch of pics, but for now I'm just going to talk about the main reason we were up there- our friend Michael's going away party.
Stewie spent pretty much the whole day over there but I decided to hang out and have dinner with my parents first and then go over there around 8 o clock. There were so many people there, both friends and family, and new people kept coming and going. I really had so, so much fun because I got to catch up with SO many people that I usually don't have time to see while I'm in Prescott. It was such a blast- at least up until the very end when Stewie and I had to leave (at 5:30 am mind you) and a wave of sadness and emotion just swept right over me.
I've known Mikey since the first day of 6th grade (almost a decade ago!) and we've been friends since. We haven't always been super close and in recent years he's been more stewie's friend than mine, but he's still a wonderful person and an important figure in my life. He's probably one of the last people I ever would have considered would join the military, but a few months ago he signed up. I know he's really excited about it and I'm happy for him, but realizing that this person I've known for so long is leaving and will probably never be the same again was overwhelming. Not to be melodramatic or anything- I mean it's only bootcamp for now- but I honestly believe the military changes people in a way that is difficult to avoid or reverse.
So, anyways, I got all teary when I was hugging Michael goodbye and looked like a total fool... and then by the time stew and I got home at 6:30 I was so sleep-deprived and emotional that I just burst into tears when my mom opened the door and spent the next hour sitting on my bed talking to my parents about everything. I'm so happy I have such wonderful, supportive parents who are there for me when I'm such a mess :)
Today I feel kind of crappy and worn out... which is why I want to take the time to just say goodbye to all the exhausting, annoying, sad, difficult things of the past and say hello to the hope of a beautiful summer, a great next school year, and future days filled with love and happiness. Farewell complicated yesterday, hello beautiful today (and tomorrow!) Life is hard, and sucky, and people change and leave and make us sad and upset... but after all that is through all the wonderfulness of life is left. So here is to appreciating life and not getting bogged down in the stupid crap. I'm moving forward and keeping my head held high. Thanks to my friends, my family, my boyfriend, and everyone else who keeps me going.
Stewie spent pretty much the whole day over there but I decided to hang out and have dinner with my parents first and then go over there around 8 o clock. There were so many people there, both friends and family, and new people kept coming and going. I really had so, so much fun because I got to catch up with SO many people that I usually don't have time to see while I'm in Prescott. It was such a blast- at least up until the very end when Stewie and I had to leave (at 5:30 am mind you) and a wave of sadness and emotion just swept right over me.
I've known Mikey since the first day of 6th grade (almost a decade ago!) and we've been friends since. We haven't always been super close and in recent years he's been more stewie's friend than mine, but he's still a wonderful person and an important figure in my life. He's probably one of the last people I ever would have considered would join the military, but a few months ago he signed up. I know he's really excited about it and I'm happy for him, but realizing that this person I've known for so long is leaving and will probably never be the same again was overwhelming. Not to be melodramatic or anything- I mean it's only bootcamp for now- but I honestly believe the military changes people in a way that is difficult to avoid or reverse.
So, anyways, I got all teary when I was hugging Michael goodbye and looked like a total fool... and then by the time stew and I got home at 6:30 I was so sleep-deprived and emotional that I just burst into tears when my mom opened the door and spent the next hour sitting on my bed talking to my parents about everything. I'm so happy I have such wonderful, supportive parents who are there for me when I'm such a mess :)
Today I feel kind of crappy and worn out... which is why I want to take the time to just say goodbye to all the exhausting, annoying, sad, difficult things of the past and say hello to the hope of a beautiful summer, a great next school year, and future days filled with love and happiness. Farewell complicated yesterday, hello beautiful today (and tomorrow!) Life is hard, and sucky, and people change and leave and make us sad and upset... but after all that is through all the wonderfulness of life is left. So here is to appreciating life and not getting bogged down in the stupid crap. I'm moving forward and keeping my head held high. Thanks to my friends, my family, my boyfriend, and everyone else who keeps me going.
13 February 2011
Sometimes... and an ode to the end of 211.
Sometimes people act in foolish ways.
Sometimes you can know someone and really not know them at all.
Sometimes people stop listening to their hearts and hear only the sadness and pain inside of them.
Sometimes people get lost.
Sometimes you have to accept that there is nothing you can do.
Sometimes people get stuck on their high horse and can't figure out how to get down.
Sometimes you have to just leave.
Sometimes all you can do is hope that someday they will heal.
Sometimes you have to start from scratch.
Sometimes something that was once so wonderful can turn rotten and curdled in old age.
Sometimes you just have to let go.
I'm sure we've all been in a situation where we are grasping at the bits and pieces that are left of a friendship, a relationship, a project, a place, a dream. We'd love to save it, to make it right, to get out a needle and thread and sew the pieces back up into what they were before.
Unfortunately this isn't always possible- everything changes, and few truly wonderful things can last forever. there comes a point when we have to stop reminiscing, hoping, trying... and just let go, move on, and start anew.
This is how I feel about the situation I once had in Prescott. I had many best friends, we were all extremely close, we had a wonderful place that we spent all our time at, and there was no drama, no backstabbing, no two-faced-ness. With time, though, we've all drifted away, people have done atrocious things that none of us would have expected, and honestly... we're barely even friends anymore.
This past friday was 2.11, which we celebrate because the apartment number of the apartment that we all stayed at was 211. I had high hopes of spending time with dear old friends and reminiscing about the wonderful times that had passed, but honestly I was pretty disappointed. Sure, I still had some fun... but none of the people that actually deserved to be there were there. We didn't talk about the good ol' days. We didn't really talk about the real 211, the 211 that mattered, at all, because the pieces were missing. I felt like what we were celebrating was fake, an image concocted by other people who really have no idea what made 211 worthwhile and important in the first place.
Is it really worth celebrating something when the whole meaning for celebration has gotten lost? Is it worth devoting a day to remembrance when no one who can actually remember the best parts wants to celebrate? Somehow I don't think so.
Anyways, I decided it's time to let go of that part of my past that I was still carrying along with me. I met wonderful people, had wonderful times, created wonderful memories, and that is enough. Instead of being irritated that all this was tainted by unfamiliar faces and the passing of time, I'm just going to set down these annoyances and wishes and keep going. the friends that I made there that matter will always stick around. The best memories will stand out long after the others have faded. But that's all I need- a fond memory.
So here's to you, 211. Thank you for the times.
Sometimes you can know someone and really not know them at all.
Sometimes people stop listening to their hearts and hear only the sadness and pain inside of them.
Sometimes people get lost.
Sometimes you have to accept that there is nothing you can do.
Sometimes people get stuck on their high horse and can't figure out how to get down.
Sometimes you have to just leave.
Sometimes all you can do is hope that someday they will heal.
Sometimes you have to start from scratch.
Sometimes something that was once so wonderful can turn rotten and curdled in old age.
Sometimes you just have to let go.
I'm sure we've all been in a situation where we are grasping at the bits and pieces that are left of a friendship, a relationship, a project, a place, a dream. We'd love to save it, to make it right, to get out a needle and thread and sew the pieces back up into what they were before.
Unfortunately this isn't always possible- everything changes, and few truly wonderful things can last forever. there comes a point when we have to stop reminiscing, hoping, trying... and just let go, move on, and start anew.
This is how I feel about the situation I once had in Prescott. I had many best friends, we were all extremely close, we had a wonderful place that we spent all our time at, and there was no drama, no backstabbing, no two-faced-ness. With time, though, we've all drifted away, people have done atrocious things that none of us would have expected, and honestly... we're barely even friends anymore.
This past friday was 2.11, which we celebrate because the apartment number of the apartment that we all stayed at was 211. I had high hopes of spending time with dear old friends and reminiscing about the wonderful times that had passed, but honestly I was pretty disappointed. Sure, I still had some fun... but none of the people that actually deserved to be there were there. We didn't talk about the good ol' days. We didn't really talk about the real 211, the 211 that mattered, at all, because the pieces were missing. I felt like what we were celebrating was fake, an image concocted by other people who really have no idea what made 211 worthwhile and important in the first place.
Is it really worth celebrating something when the whole meaning for celebration has gotten lost? Is it worth devoting a day to remembrance when no one who can actually remember the best parts wants to celebrate? Somehow I don't think so.
Anyways, I decided it's time to let go of that part of my past that I was still carrying along with me. I met wonderful people, had wonderful times, created wonderful memories, and that is enough. Instead of being irritated that all this was tainted by unfamiliar faces and the passing of time, I'm just going to set down these annoyances and wishes and keep going. the friends that I made there that matter will always stick around. The best memories will stand out long after the others have faded. But that's all I need- a fond memory.
So here's to you, 211. Thank you for the times.
Tags:
211,
friends,
letting go,
memories
31 January 2011
30 Day Challenge- 15
Today was the first day of me waking up at 5:30 am and heading to the gym in time for it to open at 6:00 am. Go me!! It wasn't that difficult waking up, despite the fact that I feel like I got zero hours of sleep last night. You know those nights where you just lie there almost sleeping but for some reason just can't nod off? It was one of those. So very frustrating. I'm sure tonight will be better though since I'll be exhausted :)
Anyways, after about an hour at the gym I came home and made some tea and breakfast for stew and I. We ate in bed and now he's getting ready for his 9:10 class which I'll drive him to in a few minutes. I don't have class until two so I have plenty of time to get tonight's homework out of the way^^
Listen to me- am I productive or what?! I have no idea what has happened to me lol, waking up at 5:30 for the gym and doing my homework in advance. It's a wild world.
I've got a movie monday lined up for later today, and i'll post stew's and my hiking date, but for now I'll take care of the 30 day challenge.
Day 15 - 5 people in your life right now who mean the most.
These are in no particular order of importance, of course.
1. Stewart- of course! We are always together and we always have so much fun. Of course we bicker from time to time but for the most part I think we keep each other calm, sane, and happy.
2 & 3. My Parents- I love them both so much. They are so compassionate, intelligent, understanding, and fun. I miss them every day and I feel so blessed that I wound up as their daughter.
4. My Sister- Jenny is my best friend! I love her with all my heart and I'm so happy we are so close. She's amazing!!
5. This spot is difficult to fill because it's not as obvious as my family or my boyfriend. So, I'm going to choose to let it represent the few close friends that I've kept over many months or years, who I still speak to and see as often as possible- This includes most of the people I worked with last summer, Natalie, Ruby, Sharney, Brian, Jaimie, Marby, and others :) You are all amazing and you are all immensely important in my life.
Anyways, after about an hour at the gym I came home and made some tea and breakfast for stew and I. We ate in bed and now he's getting ready for his 9:10 class which I'll drive him to in a few minutes. I don't have class until two so I have plenty of time to get tonight's homework out of the way^^
Listen to me- am I productive or what?! I have no idea what has happened to me lol, waking up at 5:30 for the gym and doing my homework in advance. It's a wild world.
I've got a movie monday lined up for later today, and i'll post stew's and my hiking date, but for now I'll take care of the 30 day challenge.
Day 15 - 5 people in your life right now who mean the most.
These are in no particular order of importance, of course.
1. Stewart- of course! We are always together and we always have so much fun. Of course we bicker from time to time but for the most part I think we keep each other calm, sane, and happy.
2 & 3. My Parents- I love them both so much. They are so compassionate, intelligent, understanding, and fun. I miss them every day and I feel so blessed that I wound up as their daughter.
4. My Sister- Jenny is my best friend! I love her with all my heart and I'm so happy we are so close. She's amazing!!
5. This spot is difficult to fill because it's not as obvious as my family or my boyfriend. So, I'm going to choose to let it represent the few close friends that I've kept over many months or years, who I still speak to and see as often as possible- This includes most of the people I worked with last summer, Natalie, Ruby, Sharney, Brian, Jaimie, Marby, and others :) You are all amazing and you are all immensely important in my life.
Tags:
30 day challenge,
Family,
friends,
Life
30 January 2011
update and 30 Day Challenge- 14
Eek, so I suck at this a little bit. I really did try to stick to the 30 day challenge schedule, but i'm so darn busy! I seriously feel like I have zero free time... in fact, I feel like I need more hours in the day! I'm always at school, doing homework, cleaning, or cooking, and yet I still have chores that I don't get done and I'm hard-pressed to find a spare 20 minutes to get online to blog. What a pain! I hope it calms down soon. Even this weekend has been crazy busy... on friday stewie and I ran all around town doing errands- I went to staples to get copies of my passport made, we went to goodwill and bought a food processor and a cookie jar, we went to the running shop to buy me some new running shoes (which I love, love, love!), then we drove out to the mall so I could buy some forever 21 sports bras, and finally we drove out to an even FURTHER mall to buy some nike fitness pants. Which I also love. Remember how forever ago I was talking about how I really needed new workout clothes? I finally have them, hooray!! I'll put up a pick showing how astronomically better they are soon :)
Anyways, after all that shopping stew and I went to dinner at szechuan omei (a restaurant my parents- who lived in tucson for quite a while- recommended. it was really yummy!), and then came home and made a couple yummy pina coladas and watched white oleander and about 10 million episodes of xxxholic before going to bed. On saturday we went for a hike through pima canyon, planned two weeks of meals, and then went grocery shopping- which is no simple feat. When stew and I go grocery shopping we go to a minimum of three stores, sometimes four. We weren't finished until well after sundown. Afterward we came home and made some yummy mango salsa and watched the new Sherlock Holmes (I have to write a paper on it for a media arts class). I baked some awesome 3 layer grasshopper brownies and then we went to bed.
And today is homework day! I shouldve been doing homework all weekend but I've been so busy with other things. I have a LOT of reading to do, a film to watch, some reasearch to work on, and a french composition to write. It'll be ok though, I really like my classes and I don't mind the work so much.
Tomorrow I'm going to start my new schedule of waking up at 5:30 am and going to the gym!! I'll get back home at seven, just in time for stew and I to eat breakfast, drink a couple mugs of tea, and start getting ready for the day. I'm turning in my complete study abroad packet tomorrow and I couldn't be more excited to get things rolling.
Anyways, that's what I've been up to these past few days. I took some pics of stew's and my hike as one of our 100 dates, so that will be up soon!! I'm also going to start baking something to keep in my new cookie jar every couple weeks, and I'm also going to try a new, interesting, and moderately difficult recipe each week so I'll probably post a bunch of cool recipes for you guys.
Ok enough of that, onto the 30 day challenge. I'll just pick up where I left off..
Day 14 – A photo of a cherished memory.
Anyways, after all that shopping stew and I went to dinner at szechuan omei (a restaurant my parents- who lived in tucson for quite a while- recommended. it was really yummy!), and then came home and made a couple yummy pina coladas and watched white oleander and about 10 million episodes of xxxholic before going to bed. On saturday we went for a hike through pima canyon, planned two weeks of meals, and then went grocery shopping- which is no simple feat. When stew and I go grocery shopping we go to a minimum of three stores, sometimes four. We weren't finished until well after sundown. Afterward we came home and made some yummy mango salsa and watched the new Sherlock Holmes (I have to write a paper on it for a media arts class). I baked some awesome 3 layer grasshopper brownies and then we went to bed.
And today is homework day! I shouldve been doing homework all weekend but I've been so busy with other things. I have a LOT of reading to do, a film to watch, some reasearch to work on, and a french composition to write. It'll be ok though, I really like my classes and I don't mind the work so much.
Tomorrow I'm going to start my new schedule of waking up at 5:30 am and going to the gym!! I'll get back home at seven, just in time for stew and I to eat breakfast, drink a couple mugs of tea, and start getting ready for the day. I'm turning in my complete study abroad packet tomorrow and I couldn't be more excited to get things rolling.
Anyways, that's what I've been up to these past few days. I took some pics of stew's and my hike as one of our 100 dates, so that will be up soon!! I'm also going to start baking something to keep in my new cookie jar every couple weeks, and I'm also going to try a new, interesting, and moderately difficult recipe each week so I'll probably post a bunch of cool recipes for you guys.
Ok enough of that, onto the 30 day challenge. I'll just pick up where I left off..
Day 14 – A photo of a cherished memory.
This is a photo of the friday after thanksgiving, 2008. I was a senior, stewie and I were close but not dating yet, and the girl next to me, megan, was my best friend. The three of us hung out practically every day. We did awesome things like making a giant pot of stone soup, complete with a stone, building campfires in the driveway after school and roasting marshmallows, and dancing around on the futon to Gogol Bordello's "start wearing purple".
On this day, Megan and I came over to the apartment pretty early, like 10 am. Stewie's roommate, Josh, was at work, so the three of us just sat around and watched a bunch of episodes of xxxholic. I had never seen it before and I absolutely loved it. We ate thanksgiving leftovers and in the afternoon bought some forties and played Drenga while listening to modest mouse. It was so, so, so much fun. Later in the evening more people came over of course, and in the picture above I'm on the phone talking to our friend Marby and asking him to bring us half-off sushi (he worked at monsoon, a japanese restaurant in Prescott).
This is one of my favorite memories, though, because it reminds me of the way the three of us were back then before stewie and I had started dating, before megan had started dating her ex, before I moved away, before everyone stopped hanging out at that apartment. The friendship the three of us had was really amazing and I miss it all the time. It was experiences like those that made my senior year so great :)
Tags:
30 day challenge,
friends,
Life
23 January 2011
30 Day Challenge- 10
Hello darlings,
So, I skipped yesterday's post for a couple reasons- one, because I literally didn't have a speck of free time. I drove up from casa grande to prescott and then spent every minute of the day with either my fam or a friend I hadn't seen in a while. So busy! Stew and I finally got home at 3:30 am and fell asleep within seconds. There was just no time for blogging.
Also, I think that Day 9's post (Day 09 - How you hope your future will be like.) is a bit too much like Day 2's (Day 02- Where you'd like to be in 10 years). I feel like I'd just be telling you the same ol' stuff. Boring! So I decided to not do it and get straight to day 10
So, I skipped yesterday's post for a couple reasons- one, because I literally didn't have a speck of free time. I drove up from casa grande to prescott and then spent every minute of the day with either my fam or a friend I hadn't seen in a while. So busy! Stew and I finally got home at 3:30 am and fell asleep within seconds. There was just no time for blogging.
Also, I think that Day 9's post (Day 09 - How you hope your future will be like.) is a bit too much like Day 2's (Day 02- Where you'd like to be in 10 years). I feel like I'd just be telling you the same ol' stuff. Boring! So I decided to not do it and get straight to day 10
Day 10 – Someone who came into your life unexpected and made an impact.
This is a tough one because I don't really know how to define "unexpected". I mean, almost everyone aside from family comes into your life unexpectedly, right? I have so many wonderful friends that I could devote this post to.. so many people that have come into my life and changed it for the better. And then there's stewie of course. It's a very difficult thing to decide. If I had the time, I'd write a post for every lovely person to change my life :) But since I'd like to go to bed in the next couple of hours, I'm going to write about...
...one of my very best friends, Sharney.
Ney and I met in hghschool. She transfered to my highschool during our junior year and joined showchoir. When you're in showchoir, you're pretty much friends (or sometimes enemies haha) with everyone else in showchior. We did tons of choreographed performances every year so you pretty much get to know every one pretty well. So, sharney and I were friends, but not like... best friends.
That is, until we took our trip to disneyland in April of that year to perform. When we took a dinner break at a mall somewhere in cali during the drive over, Sharney decided to go buy a swimsuit at Ross. I volunteered to go with her, even though we were supposed to be back on the bus soon. We ran over to ross and frantically searched through the swimsuits... I don't remember if she ended up buying one or not, but I do remember running back to the bus which everyone else was already on, waiting for us.
After that, we sat next to each other for the rest of the trip. We pretty much confessed our life stories to each other. At the time I had recently broken up with my boyfriend of almost 2 years and there were some girls (who had once been good friends of mine) who were being, for lack of a better description, supreme bitches. Sharney and I spent the whole time in disneyland together and had seriously the BEST time. It was so, so wonderful. From then on, we were pretty much best friends. We've always been there for each other through tough times, we're always supportive of each other's decisions... when senior year came around and we both got fed up with the drama that comes along with showchoir, we kept each other sane.
Neyney is the only friend from showchoir that I ever invited to hang out with my other friends at the old apartment. She lives in Phoenix and I lived in portland and now tucson so we don't get to see each other a ton but when we do we always have a great time. The above pic is from winter break last year.
I love ney so much. She is such a wonderful, amazing, beautiful person! I hope we remain close friends for forever :)
<3
Tags:
30 day challenge,
friends,
Life
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