Something strange happened to me on Thursday.
I did something which I have always believed I am bad at, only this time I was good at it.
It was a class presentation, which I have always dreaded and have in fact dropped certain classes for upon learning that they would be required. My confidence has really been boosted over the past 10 months so they no longer give me a sickening pit in my stomach; however, I'd still prefer to sit and listen quietly than stand up and speak.
The first strange thing was that out of the three members of my group (we gave a group presentation, each of us talking about a different aspect of our subject), I seemed to be the least nervous. I am slightly older (1-3 years) and have a bit more college experience than most of the students in my classes now since I am a 3rd semester senior, so it may have been that my own anxieties about presenting have become muted while my classmates' are still fresh. However, having never been the "confident one", it felt totally alien to be reassuring the other group members and attempting to calm their frazzled nerves.
What was really strange, though, was that on the elevator after the class was over one of my other classmates (whom I have never interacted with before) turned to me and said, "Your presentation was really good. You made eye contact and were so confident. I was like, 'I want to be like that'". Not only was I incredibly flattered, but I was also quite taken aback- me, confident? and not just passable at presenting but good enough for someone to actually admire me? This did not fit with my image of myself or my skills at all, and as I walked to my car I thought, "maybe the person I've always believed myself to be is not who I actually am".
I've found that throughout our lives we seem to accumulate a list of traits and qualities that we assign to ourselves. Some are told to us often enough that we internalize them, others we discover or diagnose on our own. Especially now that social media plays such a large role in our lives, we are encouraged to define ourselves in our profiles, about me's, etc by a list of adjectives rather than letting our personalities come out organically through our interactions.
One of the biggest ones for me has been that I'm shy or introverted. People have told me this so many times over my entire life that it is just a facet of my identity now. I am pretty introverted, I like my alone time, and I was definitely a shy kid- but having this specific idea of myself cemented in my brain totally blinded me to the ways in which I am not introverted. It even caused me to believe that I was naturally predisposed to be bad at certain things- things like presenting in front of a class. The fact is, though, that many of the things I have self-diagnosed myself as bad at I am actually decent and even good at. It just took an unbiased stranger to bring it to my attention.
Often people say that you should not be concerned with the opinions of others, just concentrate on how you view yourself. I have found, however, that the way I view myself is frequently inaccurate. I have a list of things that I believe myself to be, and when those things change (or are simply not true) it can be difficult to see the discrepancies. I think sometimes other people can see us far more accurately than we see ourselves.
I'm so glad that girl complimented me in the elevator, because it brought me a bit closer to understanding who I am and what I'm actually capable of. The past two years have been a whirlwind from which I'm still in the process of re-emerging. I'm recreating and redefining myself, but it's easy to get lost and be unable to see or notice the changes. That interaction was a reminder to try to see myself objectively- to let my personality and abilities speak for themselves, rather than stuffing them under preconceived ideas of what they are.
<3 Em
Showing posts with label self-image. Show all posts
Showing posts with label self-image. Show all posts
14 October 2013
Some Thoughts on Self-Awareness
Tags:
Life,
musings,
School,
self-image,
thoughts
08 March 2013
A Daily/Weekly Beauty Regimen
Like most girls, I have at least a mild interest in keeping my skin clear and soft, my hair clean and shiny, and my hands and feet free of cracks and maybe even my nails painted. For a long time though, I didn't really care about any of that stuff. I think that feeling sad and generally unhappy with my body led me to just say to hell with all of it and do the bare minimum when it came to beauty routines. Now though, with my life going in a direction I'm really pleased with and the weight starting to melt off, I'm finally feeling happy and comfortable in my own skin again. It's wonderful. I think the very BEST part is looking in the mirror and, despite still having quite a few pounds to lose, being happy with the way I look right now and not wishing certain parts of me would change or disappear. That's a perspective I rarely had even at my lowest weight in high school and it feels like such a blessing to have it now... but more on that later.
A new-found interest in maintaining my health and appearance along with my desperate search to remedy my awful snow sunburn from last week has led me to really look into what I should be doing to look and feel my best at all times. I've been rubbing vitamin e oil into my face a few times a day to help relieve/speed the healing process of my burn and I was excited to find out that it can actually be used as a toner and moisturizer AND it prevents wrinkles and fine lines. I'm definitely going to add it to my daily routine even after the burn is gone.
This morning, while deciding there had to be a way to remedy my dry, limp hair, pondering the validity of Tyra Banks' sworn approval of Vaseline, and feeling particularly productive, I typed up a full breakdown of my ideal daily/weekly beauty routine. I'm not the kind of girl who wants to spend her whole Saturday clipping, buffing and filing nails while simultaneously slathering her skin and hair with masks and scrubs and moisturizers and I'm definitely not the kind of girl who will pay someone else a bunch of money to do it for me. Salons make me uncomfortable. That's why I didn't get my hair cut for a year and a half. SO.. I'm hoping maybe I can tackle one or two of the 'weekly' categories a day, excluding days I have lots of school or work. I haven't tried it yet, but I'm hopeful that that way it will be fairly easy to maintain and I won't feel overwhelmed with my beauty routine.
If you are interested in looking over and/or trying some of the things I'm going to try, here are a few things you should know about my beauty routine that may be different from what you are used to:
A new-found interest in maintaining my health and appearance along with my desperate search to remedy my awful snow sunburn from last week has led me to really look into what I should be doing to look and feel my best at all times. I've been rubbing vitamin e oil into my face a few times a day to help relieve/speed the healing process of my burn and I was excited to find out that it can actually be used as a toner and moisturizer AND it prevents wrinkles and fine lines. I'm definitely going to add it to my daily routine even after the burn is gone.
This morning, while deciding there had to be a way to remedy my dry, limp hair, pondering the validity of Tyra Banks' sworn approval of Vaseline, and feeling particularly productive, I typed up a full breakdown of my ideal daily/weekly beauty routine. I'm not the kind of girl who wants to spend her whole Saturday clipping, buffing and filing nails while simultaneously slathering her skin and hair with masks and scrubs and moisturizers and I'm definitely not the kind of girl who will pay someone else a bunch of money to do it for me. Salons make me uncomfortable. That's why I didn't get my hair cut for a year and a half. SO.. I'm hoping maybe I can tackle one or two of the 'weekly' categories a day, excluding days I have lots of school or work. I haven't tried it yet, but I'm hopeful that that way it will be fairly easy to maintain and I won't feel overwhelmed with my beauty routine.
If you are interested in looking over and/or trying some of the things I'm going to try, here are a few things you should know about my beauty routine that may be different from what you are used to:
- I try to minimize my use of store bought products. When I was younger I thought the more product the better, but now it worries me that most lotions, cleansers, etc are full of lots of chemicals and ingredients that I don't recognize or understand. I'd rather use natural, wholesome ingredients so that I know what is getting absorbed into my skin. A lot of my scrubs, masks, etc are homemade.
- I have no problem putting oil and vaseline directly on my face and I do it daily. This weirds some people out, put it doesn't make me break out and it makes my skin feel soft and smooth.
- I don't wash my face, at least not with facewash. I use only a neutrogena makeup removing/cleansing wipe at night (which I will often rinse off afterwards), and merely splash my face with water in the morning. I have a pimple maybe once every 6 months and my skin has been consistent (not oily or dry in any spots)
- I only wash my hair once a week. I used to do the no-poo thing, which I still recommend if it works for you! It worked for me for a while, but with the dryness this winter and Tucson's hard water, my stylist recommended I stop and instead use an all natural, biodegradable moisturizing shampoo. Since I don't use a lot of product, once a week is plenty to remove buildup and cleanse my hair.
Beauty routine
Hands
Daily
·
Rub hands with Vitamin E oil at morning and
night
Weekly
·
Clip and/or file nails
·
Remove nail polish with acetone free remover
·
Buff surface of nails
·
Soak in warm water with a drop of soap. Scrub
under nails if necessary
·
Exfoliate hands with a scrub made of sea salt or
sugar and natural oil (such as olive). Mash in a strawberry if desired
·
Apply cuticle cream and gently push back
cuticles
·
Use a q tip swabbed with nail polish remover to remove
oil from nails
·
Apply a base coat to nails
·
Apply 1-2 coats of polish, waiting 15 minutes
between each coat
·
Apply designs if desired
·
Apply clear top coat
Feet
Daily
·
Rinse feet, rub with Vaseline or olive oil, and
put on socks immediately before bed
Weekly
·
Clip and/or file nails
·
Remove nail polish with acetone free remover
·
Soak feet in a basin of water with ¼ cup lemon peppermint foot soak
·
Dry feet and use pumice stone or ped egg to
remove callouses and dead skin
·
Exfoliate feet with a scrub made of sea salt or
sugar and natural oil (such as olive). Mash in a strawberry if desired
·
Rinse feet. Use orange stick to gently push back
cuticles and remove dead skin if necessary
·
Using Vaseline, olive oil, or vitamin E oil, massage
each foot for 5 minutes
·
Use a q tip swabbed with nail polish remover to
remove oil from nails
·
Apply a base coat to nails
·
Apply 1-2 coats of polish, waiting 15 minutes
between each coat
·
Apply designs if desired
·
Apply top coat
Hair
Daily
·
Brush hair at morning and at night
·
Style hair as desired, applying minimal product as
necessary. Minimize heat use
Weekly
·
Heat olive oil in small dish and massage into
scalp for 10 minutes
·
Moisten hair with spray bottle. Apply hair mask
to entirety of hair, adjusting ingredients for desired effect
·
Put hair in bun, wrap in plastic wrap, and then
wrap in a heated towel. Let sit 30 minutes, changing towel as necessary
·
Wash hair, focusing on the scalp and massaging
in circular motions to lift build-up. Rinse and repeat, if necessary
·
Condition hair
·
Towel dry hair gently and comb with wide tooth
comb
·
Spray with lavender rosemary rinse and let air
dry
Face and teeth
Daily
·
Morning
o
Brush teeth well
o
Floss
o
Rinse with a mixture of antiseptic mouthwash and
hydrogen peroxide for 30 seconds
o
Splash face with warm water
o
Rub Vitamin E oil into face and neck
o
Use q tip or tissue to wipe any remaining eye
makeup off face
o
After oil has been completely absorbed, splash
face with cold water, pat dry
o
Apply a light facial sunscreen
o
Apply makeup
·
Night
o
Remove makeup with cleansing wipe. Rinse with
warm water if necessary
o
Brush teeth
o
Floss
o
Rinse with a mixture of antiseptic mouthwash and
hydrogen peroxide for 30 seconds
o
Rub Vitamin E oil into face and neck
o
Apply Vaseline or coconut oil to eyes and lips
Weekly
·
Remove makeup and dirt from face using cleansing
wipe and/or water
·
Exfoliate face with a gentle scrub (such as
greek yogurt and oatmeal or baking soda and water)
·
Steam face over a bowl of scalding hot water.
Add essential oils or citrus slices if desired
·
Apply face mask with varying ingredients for
desired results. Leave on for 10-20 minutes Use cucumber slices or wet black
tea bags over eyes
·
Rinse face well
·
Rub Vitamin E oil into face and neck. Let absorb
completely
·
Splash face with cold water. Dry gently
·
Apply light facial sunscreen. Continue with
typical daily routine
Skin
Daily
·
Dry brush skin at morning and night, starting at
feet and brushing towards the heart
·
Moisturize skin with Vaseline and/or coconut oil
and/or stretch mark removing cream at morning and night
·
In the morning, apply SPF 30 sunscreen to any
skin that will be visible
Weekly
·
Dry brush skin, starting and feet and brushing
towards the heart
·
Take a shower
o
Cleanse skin completely with a gentle body wash
or soap.
o
Shave armpits and legs
o
Exfoliate entire body (concentrating on knees,
elbows, and areas with stretch marks) with a scrub, such as one made with
sugar, lemon juice, and olive oil
o
Shave legs again
o
Rinse well
·
Pat body dry with a clean towel
·
If necessary, apply Vaseline and/or coconut oil
to moisturize, concentrating on knees and elbows
·
Apply sunscreen to skin that will be visible
Tags:
beauty,
beauty regimen,
body image,
daily routine,
facial,
Health,
manicure,
pedicure,
routine,
self-image,
skin care
28 February 2011
30 Day Challenge- 27
I just finished "studying" (rereading all the power point lectures my professor has put up since the beginning of the semester) for my midterm this afternoon and I only have thirty minutes till I have to bike to class. It's nice having all my classes one after the other on mondays and wednesdays, but I really wish I had them earlier... I hate going to school at 1:40 and not getting home until 6 or even 7 on some nights >.< oh well. This is the last semester of evening classes, thank goodness! Like I mentioned I have two more midterms this thursday, and another test sometime next week... blegghhhh. I'm burned out! I can't wait for spring break. It would be fabulous to spend a week down in mexico on the beach sipping pina coladas.... but I can settle with hanging out in prescott too i suppose :) besides it's not like I'm really missing out on warm weather down here.
That was quite a digression. What I was going to say is that I'm so busy with school stuff that I'm going to take any available opportunity to blog since I'm a bit backed up on posts! We're almost done with this 30 day challenge (thank goodness) and I've got some fun things planned for after that... so stay tuned!
Day 27 - A problem that you have had.
I think a lot of girls deal with a body image problem. Some cases are more serious than others, but I'm pretty sure almost every girl has looked in the mirror or stepped on the scale at some point and just thought "ugggghhhh."
I certainly know I have, and I think it's really sad that our society has reached this point. Why is it that uber-skinny girls are seen as the idols of beauty? It's completely unfair to the rest of the world that it, yknow, healthy looking. I've seen quite a few girls become obsessed with eliminating body fat, working out religiously, eating on strict and ever-changing diets.... all to reach some unattainable image that honestly probably wouldn't even be attractive without all the airbrushing and editing.
I've definitely been there, and I'm relieved that I saw the light and decided to just do what is healthy for my body. I used to constantly be looking in the mirror, checking how fat my stomach was... I would count calories and weigh my food to make sure I didn't eat more than 1000-1200 calories a day... and if I rose above 120 I'd get upset with myself and vow to work harder and eat less.
It was pretty f*cked up, and it's even more f*cked up that there are hundreds of girls out there with even more unhealthy habits. I eventually realized that I'm a whole lot happier if I just eat whatever I want (although I do try to be healthy- no meat, whole grains, lots of fresh fruits and veggies) in moderate portions. I'm also a lot happier if I stick to a workout regime that is fun and not over-exhausting. AND it's a whole lot better if instead of stepping on the scale (I don't even own one now) I just judge my weight on how I look and feel. I think I look good- a healthy thin, not an unhealthy one- and I know that I feel good. I also know that if I overindulge i definitely wont feel good, and if I don't eat enough in a day I wont feel good either. It's all about being healthy and doing what feels best for me, not catering to some unrealistic ideal that has been set up by the media and crafty editors.
So, that's a problem I've had and luckily one I've conquered. I just hope that all the girls out there who feel so angry and upset with themselves and spend their days looking in the mirror and wishing for something else will realize that they are BEAUTIFUL, no matter what.
That was quite a digression. What I was going to say is that I'm so busy with school stuff that I'm going to take any available opportunity to blog since I'm a bit backed up on posts! We're almost done with this 30 day challenge (thank goodness) and I've got some fun things planned for after that... so stay tuned!
Day 27 - A problem that you have had.
I think a lot of girls deal with a body image problem. Some cases are more serious than others, but I'm pretty sure almost every girl has looked in the mirror or stepped on the scale at some point and just thought "ugggghhhh."
I certainly know I have, and I think it's really sad that our society has reached this point. Why is it that uber-skinny girls are seen as the idols of beauty? It's completely unfair to the rest of the world that it, yknow, healthy looking. I've seen quite a few girls become obsessed with eliminating body fat, working out religiously, eating on strict and ever-changing diets.... all to reach some unattainable image that honestly probably wouldn't even be attractive without all the airbrushing and editing.
I've definitely been there, and I'm relieved that I saw the light and decided to just do what is healthy for my body. I used to constantly be looking in the mirror, checking how fat my stomach was... I would count calories and weigh my food to make sure I didn't eat more than 1000-1200 calories a day... and if I rose above 120 I'd get upset with myself and vow to work harder and eat less.
It was pretty f*cked up, and it's even more f*cked up that there are hundreds of girls out there with even more unhealthy habits. I eventually realized that I'm a whole lot happier if I just eat whatever I want (although I do try to be healthy- no meat, whole grains, lots of fresh fruits and veggies) in moderate portions. I'm also a lot happier if I stick to a workout regime that is fun and not over-exhausting. AND it's a whole lot better if instead of stepping on the scale (I don't even own one now) I just judge my weight on how I look and feel. I think I look good- a healthy thin, not an unhealthy one- and I know that I feel good. I also know that if I overindulge i definitely wont feel good, and if I don't eat enough in a day I wont feel good either. It's all about being healthy and doing what feels best for me, not catering to some unrealistic ideal that has been set up by the media and crafty editors.
So, that's a problem I've had and luckily one I've conquered. I just hope that all the girls out there who feel so angry and upset with themselves and spend their days looking in the mirror and wishing for something else will realize that they are BEAUTIFUL, no matter what.
Tags:
30 day challenge,
beauty,
Life,
self-image
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